The Consultation: Scope CT scan

Yesterday was a tiring day. Dr Guillem with his team observing, flex sigmoid scoped my behind. It felt like a colonic except he blew air into it, and I felt like going #2 right there. At first I was watching the screen then I saw my fecal matter which made me want to go even more. So I stopped looking. I think Mike couldn't look either becasue he felt so bad for me. Finally it was over, he cleaned me up like a baby and let me get dressed. My earring back fell off and I almost panicked or cry because I couldn't find it. I've been doing that a lot lately. Feel like crying when people are rude to me, like the Atlanta airport TSA agent who was searching me. We always opt out of the body scanner (and yet I still got cancer). Well, I happened to be in a lot of pain, maybe stress from flying, no poop, etc. So I went the opposite way and she said, WHAT are you doing? Then I didn't spread my feet wide enough and she said that is NOT shoulder width. I mumbled something to myself and she came right at me, EXCUSE ME??? why was I being so rude she said? I said, Why are you being so rude? I told you I was in a lot of pain. finally, I couldn't help it and used the C word on her, (which I've discovered is a magic word to soften people up, ill blog more on that later). she said her dad had it too. So would you like someone to treat him rude if he was in pain? She said well he wasn't rude. But I think she felt guilty because she stopped firing back at me. I eventually apologized becasue I was being huffy and to that point, wanted to cry. I haven't reacted like this in a long time but I notice certain things make me more emotional lately. 

Anyway, I digress. So after getting dressed, we go to the surgeon's office. We wait again, almost every room we go to is a 20-30 min wait so it's 12nn and I havent had any water since 8am. He comes in and mike asks if we can record him. He said, The hospital makes him say No which I don't understand why. How can he expect us to remember everything he said when both Mike and I are pretty overwhelmed. Anyway, we put the recorder away. Note: next time we won't ask!

He hands me a drawing which has become too familiar to me, the colon. Long story short, He couldn't be sure if the mass is in the sigmoid or the rectum, becasue I'm short and my rectum is short so he thinks rectum. Not very god news. If sigmoid, then just remove it. If rectum, then need to check if T3 or N1, if yes then he wants to do chemo and radiation first then surgery. 

I should be feeling confident being here but I just don't feel it. I know he's one of the best but it's important that I feel he's open to listening to me which I didn't get that feel. I asked if he supports alternative therapies to help me and he doesn't know of any and thinks chemo has good stats. 

So we were a bit discouraged and afraid. Went to the Diagnostix center where again, a lot of old people were waiting. I told Mike, this won't be me, I am not gonna be like them, old and still getting a CT scan. We are gonna win this and quickly! I drank the red iodine juice, stripped (oh I found my earring back in my bra:)), got poked again and walked into the scan room. They hooked the evil IV radiation and felt a warm sensation thru my veins, then felt like I was gonna pee, they reassured me this was normal. I didn't know where to look so I was staring at something that I realized said "please don't stare at this beam".  At last, It was over in less than 10 minutes. We find whole foods to get carrot juice becasue I just read about Ann Cameron. http://www.chrisbeatcancer.com/ann-cameron-cured-her-cancer-with-carrot-juice/

It was packed, NYC is all about waiting in lines. By we had a good lunch, talked to a biracial couple who were very helpful, went back to hotel and rested. 

Now, here's where God opens another door.bdiest he answers our prayer to change the flight, only $100 charge). Then we saw a commercial on TV for cancercenter.com. I contacted them right away and am super excited to get a second opinion from them. It's a private hospital in ATL that uses both conventional and alternative medicine. They work with both sides to get the best quality of life for the patient. Their goal is "mother like care" because the founders mom died of bladder cancer and he saw how cancer hospitals treated her and wants to change that. They participate with my insurance and the acupuncture, reiki, etc that's not covered by insurance, they shoulder it. They focus on nutrition so serve organic meals and have a guest wing, even built a hotel for overflow family. Hope Ate Nan can stay there with me to relieve Mike. I feel like I would rather have surgery close to home even if I need to be admitted for 2 weeks. NYC is so foreign and expensive and intimidating to me. The doctors didn't have a suggestion for family to stay. They weren't very helpful but that's coz they're a teaching hospital and not a private donor driven center. 

Anyway, we still need to eat end here in NYC til Thurs. 

I'm looking for a apt or room around midtown instead of staying at the hotel. I want to be able to cook or prepare my own food. It's too tempting to eat out because there are so many cool restaurants to try here but I gotta stuck to my diet.